chaos7

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Wedded Hiss

It was a rough evening last night and to top it off, I missed Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations: Beirut version. I ended my workday by heading to the insanely crowded grocery to get W some classy vittles for daycare because God forbid they think I feed him veggie corn dogs and pizza everyday when Sexy Chef is out of town. I blazed through the aisles to meet the sitter’s 5 p.m. cut off time and arrived with armloads of bags, work gear, Target crap and, thump, the door was locked. It’s hot, I’m tired from a long weekend of solo parenting with sick baby and I can’t get any assistance at the door. I finally come crashing in like a boulder, unpack and soak up snotty W. Papa, who is leaving AGAIN tomorrow for three days, was working all day in the studio but was going to be providing late night nosh and was expected to call around a certain time. Around that certain time, I went looking for my purse to grab my Barbie phone but couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere! Guess where I left it? On the shopping cart at the grocery store way out in the BFE part of the parking lot! Freak the F out! I grabbed baby and barreled out the back door to the studio (not the one where daddy records) and grabbed the landline. After having frustrating conversations with the B team members of HEB and directory assistance, I finally talked to a guy who actually said “Yes, I have your purse right here.” Sweet Goddess of Good Karma, someone, a person with a good heart, actually turned in my purse! I couldn’t believe it and was so relieved, I cried. Somehow though, that relief evolved into something else and I later found myself fist-a-cuffs with papa when he finally got home. It was a terrible breakdown of fatigue, stress, bullheadedness, and miscommunication and it sucked. That’s why we missed Bourdain’s show and why I hardly slept last night and felt like such a bitchy, whiny baby but sometimes, there is a crack in the core that unleashes things better left unsaid. But you say them and you can’t take them back and you hope your spouse knows the real you and the improvements you’re trying to make on the faulty bits. But most of all, you hope they know that they are deeply loved more than anything and are always missed terribly when they are gone. Yup.

2 comments:

jen said...

First of all that sucks! We have all been there. Me more than once! It does get hard when they are gone alot. You feel lonely and left out, and I sometimes feel a little jealous b/c I am stuck home holding down the fort. I think, I didn't sign up for this, but maybe I did and didn't realize what "this" was going to be. He knows your great and you love him!
Cheer Up!
jen

Anonymous said...

I love you so very much.
Besos,
Flaco