Hump Day

One nice thing about the husband going out of town is that I can do things I would never do with him around. For example, I haven't made the bed since he left. It has remained a nest of pillows with a hole carved out for my perpetual fetal position and my basketball belly. I have left dishes in the sink for days. Many of them I didn't know existed because they were buried in the very back of the cabinet. I have also been able to turn the TV on in the morning when I wake up and listen to the chatter of talking heads as I spend the time necessary to dig myself out of my nest. This morning, I turned the channel to Regis & Kelly, a show I have never been fond of but I usually get sucked in to and it's all Kelly's fault. Regis is rather predictable in his on screen banter but Kelly shoots from the hip, is reckless, slightly daring, and sometimes, very amusing. Today, she talked about the padded bra she was wearing under her skimpy pink tank top. I, too, am normally endowed with your average B-cup (but thanks to the wonders of growing a person in a person, you get a nice set of ta-tas for a quite a while...right now I'm shooting for a D-cup!) and was completely riveted by her confession of what her boobs looked like post nursing 3 children. As she described them, I kept thinking of yams in socks, sand in socks, soggy socks, things of this nature hanging from her tiny chest...AND I WAS HORRIFIED! So what's a girl to do to avoid this fate? Any suggestions, my friendly internet voyeurs? Further research must be done! My husband is a boob man (sorry, honey, but we both know it's true) so this is of grave concern to me. Jessica Alba, some actress that has come out of nowhere and is suddenly everywhere was a guest on the show. Among many covers of magazines her lovely figure has graced this month, one of them is Rolling Stone. It is impossible to overlook her lovely youthful cleavage but dammit if she didn't reassure Kelly that she was wearing shoulder pads in her bra to prop them up! *GASP!* And she's in her early twenties! I almost started clapping with glee! But then I realized what time it was and needed to get my buns, belly, and boobs out of bed and get ready for work.