chaos7

Friday, March 30, 2007

Ozone Depleter

Although I am quite a tomboy, a guy-girl through and through, I do have a few feminine qualities. Okay, now that I give it some thought I probably only have about two or three. The biggest one I have is that I don’t break wind in mixed company. The Hubs and I have been together for about 7.5 years and I could probably count on two fingers the times I have contributed to ozone depletion in his presence. Last night, however, I think I sunk an iceberg somewhere. Part of the previous night’s meal included beans cooked with garlic, onions, a ham hock and a jalapeno. I also made it a staple at yesterday’s lunch. The time between then and when I went to bed was just enough to manufacture it into toxic gas form. I tucked myself in to bed before the Hubs to read for a spell. He joined me a little while later and as we rehashed how much I hated the movie Borat, an atrocity we had just tried to watch, I released what I thought was a well contained, stuffed under the covers and never to see the light of day, fart but within seconds, his body stiffened next to mine and he waved his hand frantically in front of his nose. “Did you just let one?” he asked in a voice filled with disbelief. I immediately felt my face get warm and I wanted to stick my head under the sheets in shame but I knew that was a really bad idea. “What, are you a trucker? Brutus?” he quizzed. “Who’s Brutus?” I choked through laughs. “That fat guy on the Popeye cartoon!” At this point tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t stop laughing, the embarrassment was too much to bear. “Oh my God, that’s the worst ever!” he cried out. Yes, yes it was.

I have several girlfriends that have no qualms about stinking up the joint and claiming it. I don’t mind if they do it when I’m around. I just don’t want to share the experience with anyone. But I’ll tell, you about it.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If he made you watch Borat he got what he deserved! Peeeee-ewwwwwww!

James

zuniga8 said...

Brutus? No wonder you didn't know who he was talking about...it was Bluto. Remember the one when the frog ratted him out and said "Bluto did it", "Bluto did it" . I loved that. My hubby is the ozone depleter in this family. Hope to see you at the family reunion. AZA

Kelly R. said...

We'll be there at the reunion! Can't wait! The Hubs can't get out of this one, huh?

Besos.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I learned tonight that we have at least 2 things in common - we love Willem, and we can produce powerful silent but deadlies. :)

jen said...

i just laughed so hard! Thanks!
jen